As a senior citizen was driving down the M6 his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, Albert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M6  Please be careful!

"That's right," said Herman, "but it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things you never say to a cop!

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says 'Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with, 'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'

 

Old Lady Driving on Motorway.  Sitting on the side of the motorway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a  Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 25 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.

 The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." Slower than the speed limit? No, officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-five miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The  Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that M 25 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off the A127."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to a junction.. The lights were at red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself " I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light".
After a few more minutes, they came to another junction. and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next junction..

At the next junction., sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. S o, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An 82 year old Birmingham woman convicted of vehicular manslaughter has had her license suspended for 10 years.

Apparently the court feels the time off will make her a more confident, skilled and careful driver when they let her back on the road when she's 92

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~